As the new year is here, teams across the league are learning more about themselves for the 2015-16 season. Some are where they want to be; others are playing catch up. With that, here's a few things each team can do to make 2016 better than 2015.
Anaheim Ducks: Replace this season's Ryan Getzlaf with the goal-scoring dynamo of the previous season.
Arizona Coyotes: Appreciate the young players' performances, but regress enough to get a franchise player to build around.
Boston Bruins: Give Tuukka Rask a bit of help with keeping the goals against down.
Buffalo Sabres: Let the Chad Johnson story continue going, regardless of the health of Robin Lehner.
Calgary Flames: Give Johnny Gaudreau a key to the city, a fat contract, and the password to the Boring Sean Monahan Twitter account.
Carolina Hurricanes: Toss loyalty out of the window when it comes to long-tenured franchise players like Cam Ward and Eric Staal.
Chicago Blackhawks: Send a thank-you card to Russia for how Artemi Panarin and Artem Anisimov have made Patrick Kane into an unstoppable force on the ice.
Colorado Avalanche: Don't do anything rash with their young forwards, unless it leads to getting an elite defenseman.
Columbus Blue Jackets: Trade Ryan Johansen while he still has some value, and get a good goalie and prospects in return to cover for the inevitable annual Sergei Bobrovsky injury.
Dallas Stars: Never, ever, ever break up Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin. Also, give John Klingberg enough support to win the Norris.
Detroit Red Wings: Petr Mrazek and Jimmy Howard form a rap duo, film all of their music videos in full goalie gear.
Edmonton Oilers: Learn what defense is, and then start doing it. Right after collecting another first overall pick to get Auston Matthews in the draft.
Florida Panthers: Inject Jaromir Jagr and Roberto Luongo with DNA from Aleksander Barkov and Jonathan Huberdeau to keep them young for another 10 to 15 years.
Los Angeles Kings: Avoid run-ins with the law in all aspects, so as not to put themselves behind the 8-ball (sorry Jarret Stoll).
Minnesota Wild: Win their Stadium Series game, because the Stanley Cup is a long way off.
Montreal Canadiens: Sell their collective souls to the devil to keep Carey Price healthy until the Canadiens can snap Canada's Cup drought.
Nashville Predators: Win every single game 1-0, because the offense doesn't have a whole lot of support to give.
New Jersey Devils: Bottle up their current magic from Mike Cammalleri and company to prevent them from going down the same path as the Flames, Avalanche, Maple Leafs, et al.
New York Islanders: Deal Travis Hamonic in the summer so he can have his wishes granted for personal reasons.
New York Rangers: Start dismantling the roster from the goal out to speed up the impending rebuild.
Ottawa Senators: Hire Tony Stark to build a bunch of Iron Man suits in the shape of Erik Karlsson, each with their own special hockey-related ability.
Philadelphia Flyers: Acknowledge that Jakub Voracek was just playing for a contract, and find a way to convince someone else that he wasn't.
Pittsburgh Penguins: Remember that high expectations for recently acquired players almost never become reality. Related: be patient with Phil Kessel.
San Jose Sharks: Bubble-wrap Logan Couture for the rest of this season, and hope that's enough to keep him healthy as Thornton and Marleau make one last run at the Cup.
St. Louis Blues: Put a GoPro on Vladimir Tarasenko so we can all have first-person views of his remarkable goal scoring talent.
Tampa Bay Lightning: Commit whatever they must to keep Steven Stamkos, because the Triplets were a one-year deal.
Toronto Maple Leafs: Trade for another 10 goalies, hope that eight of them can stay healthy for the rest of the year.
Vancouver Canucks: Tell Jannik Hansen to dye his hair red and tell the Sedins that he's their long-lost triplet.
Washington Capitals: Nominate Braden Holtby for mayor of DC, throw a nice party when he wins the election (because he wins everything these days). Also, see St. Louis Blues and ditto that for Alex Ovechkin.
Winnipeg Jets: Win a playoff series if they can survive the Central Division, just to see the city of Winnipeg go absolutely nuts in the spring.
Leave your own team resolutions (serious or funny) in the comments.
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